


True Confessions

by thatwriterlady



Series: Don't Break My Heart [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Boys Kissing, Canon Gay Relationship, Clueless Dean, Dating, Desire, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Heartbreak, Longing, Love, M/M, Nerd Castiel, Sex, Smut, Touching, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:10:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3334634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwriterlady/pseuds/thatwriterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas and Dean are seniors in high school and they've been best friends since they were five years old.  They know everything about one another, or so Dean thought.  The one thing he didn't know was that Cas was gay.  The other he didn't know was that Cas was completely and totally in love with him.  Oblivious, Dean launches into a new relationship with a girl he meets at the mall one afternoon, and it tears Cas apart seeing Dean with her, especially when it looks like for the first time in his life, Dean is getting serious about a girl.  Charlie, being the good friend she is throws a party and invites Cas.  There's an interesting guy there that catches Cas' eye.  Sweet fluff ensues, and it's soon after that Dean learns Cas' biggest secret.  He is also faced with emotions he has never felt before, especially in regards to Cas.  He finds himself jealous and angry when he sees Cas with Luke, and at his brother's suggestion he decides to confront his true feelings for his best friend, and tell him how he really feels.  There is a lot of pain and heartache in the beginning for Cas, but I swear it ends on a good note.  I hope you all enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me. I like the angsty ones that end on a happy note. I know I really made Cas suffer here, but he doesn't suffer forever! I've been in his shoes before, except I never got my happy ending. I'm making up for it here though, lol!

[  
](http://www.pizap.com/image/707476471pizapw1443646849.jpg)[piZap](http://www.pizap.com/u/707476471) on [piZap.com](http://www.pizap.com)

Cas and Dean had been best friends forever. They’d met in Kindergarten when a boy who’s name Cas could no longer recall pushed him down during recess and took his Batman action figure. He’d started crying, he couldn’t help it. He had a scraped knee and his favorite toy was gone. That was until a certain blonde boy stepped in and took the figure back, and then came to help Cas up off the ground. From that moment on they’d been inseparable. Cas wouldn’t have had it any other way. They’d spent hundreds of nights at one another’s houses, knew (almost all of) each other’s deepest, darkest secrets, and shared their worst fears. Cas wasn’t sure at what point he stopped sharing his deepest secrets though. It was probably around the same time he realized he was gay, and that he was head over heels in love with his best friend. That wasn’t the kind of thing you brought up in casual conversation though, especially when Dean was straight. If Dean had any interest at all in guys Cas was sure that he’d have said something by now. They were seniors in high school for heaven’s sake. He’d watched Dean date, though he had never been much of the relationship type, and none of the girls he took out had staying power. They always lacked something, as Dean said, though he couldn’t quite figure out what that something was. So while it hurt every time Dean met a new girl and took her out, the pain was brief because it never really went past a second date. That was, until Dean met Julie. 

That particular afternoon they’d gone up to the mall to see a movie they’d both been dying to watch and then decided they would just do lunch in the food court. Normally Cas liked the mall, mostly when he wasn’t with Dean. When they were there together his stomach would clench in knots and he would be stressed out the entire time they were there. Dean was gorgeous, and malls were full of beautiful girls, and they always noticed him. They noticed Cas too, commented on his good looks, tried to get him to ask them out, and to appear straight, he did date a few, but like Dean, nothing panned out because, well, they lacked something very important: They weren’t Dean. This particular afternoon they had settled at a table near the middle of the food court with their Chinese food and were discussing the movie, just having a pleasant conversation when Dean stood up to throw out the boxes on his tray. And he walked straight into a girl trying to squeeze behind them to get to an empty table across the room. Her tray went flying, her food hitting the floor at her feet.

“Oh man! I’m sorry!” Dean apologized. She was busy staring down at her lost lunch on the floor and looking about ready to cry. After years spent at the Novak household Dean was a gentleman, and he immediately took responsibility for his mistake.

“Come on, I’ll go buy you a new meal, that was my mistake.” And he led the girl back to the restaurant where she’d originally ordered her food. All Cas could do was watch after them with an impending sense of dread. The girl was beautiful, and she was definitely Dean’s type, if he even had a type. She had long, dark brown hair and big gray eyes, and she had a fantastic body. All things Dean liked in a girl. There was no way Dean was leaving without her number. It was nearly twenty minutes before Dean returned, and much to Cas’ dismay, he was bringing the girl back with him. He motioned for her to have a seat, which she did. Right between them.

“Cas, this is Julie, Julie, this is my best friend Cas.” Dean introduced. She smile warmly at him, and Cas wanted to just die inside. 

“Hi Cas. Don’t we have English Lit together?” She asked. Cas thought for a moment. He rarely paid attention to the girls in class that he wasn’t friends with, but now he vaguely remembered seeing this girl. She sat near the back. If he remembered correctly, she was a cheerleader too.

“Oh yeah, yeah we do.” He forced a smile, though his stomach had just gone completely sour. She turned her attention back to Dean who of course couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. When she’d finished her lunch and gotten up to throw out her tray Dean leaned over towards him.

“Don’t hate me man, but I want to stay here with her and walk around a bit. Can your brother come pick you up or something?” He asked. There was worry in Dean’s eyes. He didn’t want Cas mad at him for ditching him, especially since he was his ride home.

“Oh, uh sure, whatever.” He was struggling to keep his tone light, to hide the bitterness he felt toward this girl Julie. Dean smiled and it made Cas’ heart ache terribly.

“Thanks man, you’re the best.” Dean patted his arm and then jumped up to go and find Julie. All Cas could do was watch him go.

Rather than call his brother who was incredibly nosey and would want to know why Cas was coming home without Dean, he opted to take the bus home. It meant a five minute walk to his house from the bus stop, but he didn’t care. It meant five minutes to get his emotions under control and stop the tears that he couldn’t help but spill. He kept imagining what Dean was doing with Julie right at that moment. No doubt that with Dean’s smooth moves he’d be kissing her before the night was over. Cas stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to think about that. He refused to think about Dean at all. The rest of the walk to his house was lonely but quick, and he bypassed his family, heading straight up to his room and locking his door when he got home. He turned off his phone and sat down at his desk to work on the rest of his chemistry homework. It was the only thing that helped at all to ease his pain.

Monday morning Cas woke up feeling sick to his stomach. He threw up twice but decided he couldn’t hide forever, so he showered, dressed, and headed out. Dean usually picked him up in the mornings but he’d texted to tell him that instead, he wanted to pick Julie up this morning. Cas could almost feel his heart breaking. He walked to school instead, head down, listening to music on his phone, trying to drown out the thoughts that wouldn’t stop tormenting him. He was suddenly glad that he only had two classes this year with Dean, and first period was not one of them. What he had not anticipated was having four classes with Julie. How had they never noticed each other before? They actually had first period together and of course she stopped by his desk to say hi, and of course Cas could see the deep purple bruises barely hidden beneath the collar of her shirt, no doubt gifts from Dean this past weekend. He was polite, it was all he could do not to throw up though as she moved past him to her seat at the back and started gushing to her friends about Dean. At least she wasn’t yet using the word ‘boyfriend’. Cas might have gotten up and stormed out of the room in a full blown panic attack if she had.

Cas threw himself into his schoolwork, doing what he could to drown out the turmoil he was currently feeling. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone through this before. He was at his locker after fourth period swapping out books when a familiar face appeared next to him. At least it wasn’t Dean, though seeing Dean’s younger brother Sam wasn’t much better.

“Hey Cas, didn’t see you this weekend, how are you?” Sam asked. Cas forced a smile, though he knew it was a pathetic attempt at friendliness.

“Oh, your brother met a girl at the mall, so I spent the weekend working on my homework.” He replied.

Sam nodded thoughtfully. “Oh yeah, Julie. She’s nice. Dean really seems to like her.”

That made Cas want to slam his head into his locker until he passed out. All he could do was attempt another weak smile and nod. “I have to go Sam, I’ll see you later.” He said, and he hurried off. No doubt the younger Winchester brother was watching him go with concern etched on his face. Sam was an extremely perceptive kid for only fourteen and while Cas counted him as a close friend, he had not shared his deepest secret with Sam either. In fact, only one person really knew, besides his brother Gabe, and the only reason he’d felt comfortable telling her was because she was gay too. Right now he was desperate to find her. 

It was lunch when he finally tracked Charlie down. He hadn’t spoken yet to Dean that day, and while that was only somewhat unusual, it wasn’t so odd that it raised any red flags in their social circles. Charlie was sitting in a group at the back of the cafeteria. These were the gamers and nerds in general, and Cas always felt comfortable amongst them. Today though he only wanted to talk to Charlie. When she saw him approaching she smiled and waved, until she saw his face. He could only imagine how bad he looked at that moment, the mask he’d kept so carefully in place all day finally slipping away. She was on her feet and at his side a moment later, leading him to an empty table across the room. As they sat down he looked around for Dean, and for Julie. So far he hadn’t spotted either of them.

“Ok, start talking. Now.” Charlie commanded, and so he did. He trusted her completely and she had thus far never broken his trust. She was the only person that knew how he felt about his best friend, and she had given him the moral support he so desperately needed when he thought he might lose his mind over it. When he finished talking he was in tears, he couldn’t help it. She moved from sitting across from him to sitting on the bench right next to him. She rubbed his back as she talked.

“Cas, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You really need to tell him how you feel and let the cards fall where they may. Has Dean ever said explicitly that he’s straight? Maybe he doesn’t realize yet. What if he’s secretly been pining over you just as long as you’ve been pining over him? You’ll never know unless you say something. And if Dean is freaked out because you’re gay, well then, he was never really a good friend, was he?”

Of course her words made sense. They always did. He got his emotions in check just in time for Dean to come walking into the cafeteria. And of course Julie was on his arm. Cas groaned and buried his face in his hands. As usual Dean’s green eyes searched the room until he spotted Cas, and then he was walking over.

“Someone just kill me, please.” Cas muttered, and Charlie squeezed his hand.

“Hey, why weren’t you answering your phone all weekend?” Dean said as he sat down across from him.

Cas lifted his head to look at him. Julie was not with him. That was a good sign, right?

“My brother took my charger and broke it, I couldn’t charge it.” He lied.  
Dean laughed. “That’s typical. Let me guess, Gabe?” Cas just nodded. Cas had three brothers to choose from, but Gabe was the mischief maker of the lot. And being that the two eldest brothers only occasionally popped in for visits, that made them unlikely candidates. Either Dean was actually oblivious to Cas’ current mood, which wasn’t impossible, or Cas’ eyes were no longer red rimmed from crying because he was busy digging into his lunch bag and pulling food out. After pulling out his sandwich and chips he looked up and frowned. Apparently Cas hadn’t put himself together half as well as he’d though because Dean was watching him very closely now.

“What happened? Why were you crying?” Dean’s tone was defensive. He had gone after bullies in the past that had targeted Cas, and he was assuming that was the case now. 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. I’m not being picked on, so just drop it.” He didn’t mean to snap at his friend, and he winced as soon as the words left his mouth. Dean looked at Charlie who was refusing to meet his eye. Slowly he nodded.

“Ok man. But if you need to talk, I’m here.”

“Thank you Dean, but I’m fine.” He smiled, and this time it felt a bit more natural. Dean smiled back. And then Julie appeared, sliding onto the bench next to Dean. She smiled brightly at Cas and Charlie. Cas couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get out of there.

“I’m not feeling well, I think I’m going to go to the nurse.” He muttered as he got to his feet. Charlie stood up with him. “I’ll go with him.” She said.

Cas didn’t listen to the words Dean was saying as he walked away. His footsteps were quick and he was out of the cafeteria just a few moment later. He slowed his pace as he waited for Charlie to catch up to him. She was quiet, and he was thankful not to have her opinion on the beautiful, sweet, friendly Julie. When they reached the nurse’s office he described the pains in his stomach and how he’d been throwing up earlier, and his father was called to come and pick him up. Charlie promised to call him later before heading back to her classes. At least he wasn’t going to be in class with Dean this afternoon. They had gym and history together, and he wasn’t sure he could sit next to him and listen to him describe how Julie smelled, how she felt in his hands, or just how far he’d gotten with her in the short time they’d known each other. When his dad finally walked in the office a half hour later with a concerned look on his face Cas had never before been so happy to see the man. Once they were home he went up to his room, closing the door and locking it. No doubt that the moment school was over Dean would be calling him. If he shut his phone off again then it would really look suspicious, so he left it on but set it on silent. At least then Dean could leave a voicemail thinking that Cas had just missed his call. 

At exactly three thirty his phone rang. Just as expected, it was Dean. Cas could feel the ache in his chest at the sight of that name coming up on his caller id, and he so badly wanted to answer the call. Instead he rolled over on his bed and buried his face in his pillows. He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep until he heard knocking at his door sometime later. He managed to drag himself from the bed and stagger over to the door. He expected it to be his brother Gabe but it was Dean. His stomach did another flip at the sight of him. There was concern etched on his friend’s face and he walked into the bedroom without waiting for an invitation. After twelve years he didn’t need one, but this particular time Cas wished he had asked.

“I guess you were sleeping earlier when I called, huh? How are you feeling?” Dean asked. He reached a hand out, tilting Cas’ chin up so he could get a good look at him. Cas pulled back. Having Dean’s hand on him sent an almost electric thrill through him and he couldn’t handle that right now.

“Yeah, must have been. I’ve pretty much been asleep since I got home.” Cas muttered and then crossed the room to sit down at his desk. If he sat on his bed Dean would sit next to him, and right now he didn’t want to be that close to him. Dean watched him, a frown on his face, and then moved to sit on the edge of Cas’ bed.

“You sure you’re ok? Should I tell your dad to take you to the hospital?” He asked.

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes. “No, it’s just a stomach bug. I’ll be fine.”

Dean nodded thoughtfully. “Ok, if you’re sure. You just…you don’t look well man.”

“Thank you for your concern Dean, but I’ll be fine.” He wanted the words to come out harsh, to let his anger and hurt reveal themselves in the tone with which he spoke them, but instead they came out soft, revealing how truly exhausted he was, both physically and mentally. Dean got to his feet and crossed the room, coming to stand right in front of him and Cas was forced to lean back to look up at him. 

“Are you still coming over for dinner on Wednesday? My mom was asking. She’s making your favorite, lasagna.” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. It will depend on how I feel.” Cas replied. What it depended on was whether Dean was still dating Julie by Wednesday.

“Ok. I hope you’re feeling better. I gotta go, I’m on my lunch break. I need to get back to work, but you weren’t answering your phone so I wanted to come by and check on you. Are you coming to school tomorrow?” Dean asked.

If it was up to Cas he would never set foot in school again, not so long as Julie still went there. “I’m not sure. It will depend on how I’m feeling, but don’t count on it.” 

“Text me in the morning. If not, I’ll grab your homework for you and drop it off, ok?”

Cas nodded. It was a thoughtful gesture and one they had done for each other many times over the years. And then Dean was saying goodbye and leaving again. Cas closed his door and locked it once more. He checked his phone and saw that he had missed two calls from Charlie as well. She was one he would call back, so he did. As he laid back in his bed he told her what had happened at the mall Saturday and what had just happened now.

“We need to get you out Cas. I’m going to throw a party this weekend, exclusively for just our people. You’ll get to make new friends and have fun.” She was telling him.

“Our people?” He asked, thinking she was referring to other gamers, though he really didn’t group himself with her other gaming friends. Plus, her gaming parties weren’t very exciting.

“Gay people Cas. I believe I’m the only lesbian you know, and that’s not right. I’m going to throw a party and you’re coming. You’re going to meet hot guys and take your mind off of Dean Winchester, at least for one night. And before you try to argue, I am absolutely not taking no for an answer.” She said.

He knew how she could be and if he tried to say no she would just show up at his house and drag him to the party by force. 

“Ok, fine. I’m not hooking up with anyone though.” He told her.

“Never said you had to, but maybe there’ll be someone there that catches your eye. Someone that you can do things with that you can’t do with Dean.” She said softly.

He closed his eyes before the tears that were threatening to spill actually did. There was no one he wanted more than Dean, and that was absolutely destroying him. Charlie was right, he needed to get out, have fun, meet people, and maybe there would be a guy he could click with like he did with Dean. When they hung up he felt a little better. By morning though the stress was back and he was throwing up again. This time his brother Gabe heard him and quickly informed their dad who said he was to stay home and in bed. He wasn’t going to argue. School was the last place he wanted to be anyway.

Wednesday Cas returned to school. His stomach was still queasy but he was determined not to let Dean get under his skin anymore. He found himself actually looking forward to Charlie’s party this weekend and he tried to concentrate on that. Julie walked into chemistry looking happy, and with fresh hickeys on her neck. So she was still dating Dean. Fabulous. He put that out of his mind and threw himself into his schoolwork. When life got too intense, school became his refuge. He made it to lunch without throwing up again. Charlie waved him over and he hurried to sit down at her already crowded table. When Dean walked in a few minutes later he simply nodded in Cas’ general direction and then went to sit down at Julie’s table with her friends. That hurt. Dean always sat with him, ever since elementary school, and he found that he had lost his appetite. Charlie of course noticed and leaned over, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“We’re going to have a blast this weekend, remember?” She whispered. She didn’t dare say it louder or the others at the table would hear and want to know what was going on. As good of friends as they all were, they were not invited. No, only Charlie’s numerous gay friends were invited, and Cas found that he was perfectly ok with that. He smiled at her and nodded. She was right, they were going to have fun. He needed to get out and spend time with people other than Dean. If he didn’t, how else was he going to get over him?

After school Dean found him at his locker. “You coming over tonight?”

“I’ll think about it.” Cas replied.

Dean frowned. “What’s up with you? You never turn down my mom’s cooking.”

Cas closed his locker and turned to look at him. “Ok, I’ll come. Happy now?” And that did come out snippy. Dean’s frown deepened for a moment before it faded completely and he smiled in a way that made the hibernating butterflies in Cas’ belly suddenly wake up and start fluttering like mad.

“I know you’re still not a hundred percent, but I also know you can’t resist my mom’s cooking.” Dean elbowed him. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

They started for the door but Julie was standing there waiting. Oh. That meant Cas was relegated to the backseat with Sam. He stopped and Dean stopped with him. 

“You know what? I’ll pass on the ride. I’ll just stop by later. Dinner still at six?” Cas asked as he slowly started backing up. Dean stared after him, a confused look on his face.

“Yeah. Why don’t you want a ride though?” Dean asked.

“I forgot I have to talk to my teacher about a paper that’s due. I want it done right. I am set to be valedictorian after all.” Cas lied. The valedictorian part was right. Just not the rest of it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just wait?” Dean asked.

“No, go on. I’ll be fine.” Cas said, and hurried off. There was no way he could sit in that car watching them hang all over each other. Suddenly he felt sick again.

He went out a side door and snuck down to the bus stop once he’d seen Dean’s Impala pass by. Sure enough, Julie was in the front seat, pressed up close to Dean. The sight made him sick to look at. At home he concentrated on his homework but at five thirty his phone started ringing. Without checking the caller id he picked it up.

“Why aren’t you here yet? Do I need to come get you?” Dean was suddenly asking.

Cas looked up at the clock on his desk. “Sorry, I lost track of time. I’m on my way.”

“Good. Hurry up. Mom even made garlic bread.” Dean said, sounding more than a little pleased.

“Just give me five minutes, ok?” Cas hung up and closed his chemistry book. It was going to be tense, but Dean was still his best friend and he would make it through this dinner no matter what.

It was only a five minute walk to the Winchester house but Cas deliberately walked slow. He intended to arrive just in time for dinner, and then to politely excuse himself when it was over and go home. He walked in the door at ten minutes to six. There’d been no need to knock for years now and when he walked into the kitchen where Mary Winchester was setting the table his stomach dropped. Julie was sitting at the counter with Dean. Cas wished the floor would just open up and swallow him right at that moment. A firm hand on his shoulder startled him and he turned to see Sam smiling at him.

“We’ve missed you man, where have you been?” Sam was asking.

“Oh, I had a bout of the flu.” Cas replied numbly. He hoped his misery wasn’t showing on his face, but Sam’s smile had turned into a concerned furrowing of his brows as he studied Cas’ face. He looked over at his brother and Julie and then back at Cas.

“Is that all it is?” He asked. Cas looked up sharply. “Of course. I caught the flu.” 

Sam nodded, dropping his hand, and at that moment Dean realized he was there.

“Cas man, what the heck took you so long to get here? I literally live three minutes from you on foot!” He was off his seat and over at Cas’ side before he could react.

“I had some things I needed to get done.” Cas mumbled. He walked over to where Mary was still setting the table and took the plates from her. For years, whenever he ate dinner at their house he would help set the table. Mary smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you sweetheart.”

He knew Dean was watching him. He knew Sam was watching him. At least Julie was too busy staring at Dean like he had hung the moon and stars. Cas wanted to throw up. Once dinner was on the table and they all sat down he knew it was going to be next to impossible to eat, though he still tried. No one really commented on his lack of appetite or that he didn’t touch the garlic bread that he loved so much. Dean was still watching him, a concerned look on his face, and Cas refused to meet his eye. As the meal came to a close Dean announced that he had rented a movie for them to watch. Yeah, the last thing he wanted to do was sit in the same room with Dean and Julie as they made out. He got to his feet, legs feeling shaky and finally made eye contact with his friend.

“I’m going to have to pass. I need to get home.”

Dean stood up and motioned for Cas to follow him. Reluctantly he did.

“What is going on man? You haven’t been yourself all week. Are you mad at me or something?” Dean asked.

“No Dean, I’m not mad at you.” Cas replied. And he wasn’t. How could he be? Dean had no idea how he felt about him, therefore the fact that he was dating Julie was not a reason for Cas to even be angry with him. But it still hurt.

“Are you spending the night Saturday?” Most weekends one or the other spent the night at the other’s house. Last weekend had been an exception, and this weekend would be one too.

“I can’t. I have plans.” Cas replied. And he wasn’t sharing them with Dean. It was none of Dean’s business what other people Cas hung out with. The hurt was apparent on Dean’s face though.

“Oh, ok. Maybe I’ll see you Sunday?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded noncommittally. “Maybe.”

He said goodbye quickly and left, glad to be out in the cool night air. It had been suffocating sitting in their house and now he finally felt free. He called Charlie as he walked home, telling her about the dinner, needing her to remind him of how much fun they were going to have, and his mood was lifted by the time he walked in his front door. Up in his room he started sorting through his closet looking for something to wear to the party. He wanted to look good, and the fact that he was going to get to meet a bunch of other people like himself was what was pulling him through the rest of the week.

Every day for the rest of the week Dean stopped him repeatedly in the halls to ask him if everything was ok. They made small talk, and sometimes it almost felt like everything was back to normal, but then he would mention Julie and Cas’ mood would immediately sour. He would quickly find an excuse to walk away, leaving a confused and hurt Dean in his wake. This was so far the longest relationship Dean had ever had. That meant he really liked Julie, and Cas could feel his own heart breaking at that realization. By the time he woke up Saturday morning he just wanted to die. The pain and stress was just getting to be too much to handle. He did his chores and ignored the half dozen calls from Dean as well as the two or three calls from Sam. The party was at eight and Cas arrived at Charlie’s house by seven forty five. She opened the door and pulled him inside, giving him a hug. 

“I’m so glad you came! After the PDA between Dean and Julie yesterday at lunch I thought maybe you’d try to bury yourself under your covers and never show your face again.” She said as she led him into the living room. Charlie’s parents were often gone on the weekends. They both had jobs that kept them away a lot, and they trusted their only daughter to keep their house still standing while they were away. They didn’t mind her throwing parties, so she threw them as often as she could.

“I thought about it, I really did, but I need to get out and meet people. I can’t keep crying over something I’ll never have.” Cas admitted.

Charlie smiled brightly. “Good, then allow me to introduce you to a couple of friends.

The living room was packed with people. Some were dancing, some were just standing around talking, and Cas allowed himself to be led over to a group of guys standing by the fireplace. Charlie introduced them as Luke, Jesse, and Parker. Luke immediately caught Cas’ attention, and Charlie noticed. Luke was smiling back at him too. Somehow they separated from the rest of the group and ended up sitting together on the loveseat in the corner talking intimately. Luke was attractive with wavy blonde hair and pale blue eyes, and his smile caused the butterflies in Cas’ stomach to wake up once more. It turned out Luke was new to their school, which meant he’d get to see him every day. That excited him. As the party started to wind down and Cas was contemplating whether or not he was ready to leave Luke leaned in and kissed him. It was his first time kissing another guy, but it felt so right, and he was soon kissing back. His head was spinning and his heart was racing as Luke’s tongue made its way into his mouth and he reached out, pulling him closer. This was nice, and for a few hours at least he had forgotten about Dean, and about Julie.

Of course Dean was calling Sunday morning. Cas was woken by the first few chords of Stairway to Heaven and he rolled over to grab his phone. He knew it was Dean but for once since this whole Julie mess, he wasn’t feeling queasy about answering.

“Hello?” He asked, voice thick from sleep.

“You’re still in bed? It’s after twelve. What, did you have a rough night?” Dean teased.

“Mmm, I went to a party. Might have stayed up too late.” He yawned and stretched.

There was silence on the other end for a moment.

“You went to a party…without me?” Dean actually sounded hurt by that. They had always attended parties together. This was the first one Cas had gone to without him.

“It was Charlie’s, and it was exclusive. I had no say on who got invited.” He wasn’t going to apologize for going out and having a good time, and he certainly wasn’t going to apologize for meeting Luke.

“Oh.” Dean sounded even more hurt. Charlie was his friend too.

“So what’s up? Why are you calling?” Cas asked, yawning again, more awake now than he’d been a few minutes ago.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come hang out, watch a couple of movies? Just sort of chill.” Still he sounded wounded. Cas had to admit, there was a tiny part of him that was thrilled by that. Still, he loved Dean, even if Dean didn’t know that, and he wanted to spend time with him. Of course not if he was going to invite Julie over.

“Just us?” Cas asked.

“Well, yeah. And Sam cause you know he has no life.” Dean said, a bit of his former pleasantness seeping back in.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be over in like an hour.” Cas said.

“Ok. Hey, bring that movie you wanted to watch last time. We’ll watch that too.” Dean told him.

“Yeah, sure.” Cas said, and hung up. He needed a shower before he went anywhere.

An hour later he showed up at Dean’s as promised, movie in one hand, a bag of candy in the other. He knew all of Dean’s weaknesses. He walked in and was met in the foyer by Sam who smiled at the sight of him. 

“Hey Cas, about time you came over. We were starting to forget what your face looked like.” Sam joked.

Cas smirked as he tossed the bag of candy at him. Sam’s face lit up and he grinned. In the living room Dean was connecting the DVD player and he looked up when his brother walked in with Cas. 

“Hey man, did you bring it?”

Cas tossed the movie at him and sat down on the couch. He had a perfect view of Dean’s ass as he connected the last of the wires to the TV, and he made a point of looking out the window instead. It was too painful to look at Dean like that anymore. With it connected Dean grabbed the remote and sat down on the couch, closer than Cas wanted him too. It was killing him not being able to reach out and touch him, to know that Dean would never be his. He was still staring out the window when Dean made a choking noise. He turned to look at him and saw Dean staring at him, his eyes wide enough to almost bug out of his head.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Cas asked. Dean blinked and cleared his throat before pointing. 

“Uh, must have been some party last night.”

“What?” Cas asked, confused.

“He’s referring to the chain of hickeys all across your neck.” Sam explained as he dropped himself into the chair in the corner.

Cas raised a hand up to his neck. He hadn’t even realized what Luke was doing last night.

“Oh, um, yeah.” He knew his cheeks were flushing red but he couldn’t help it. He looked down at his hands. He’d never had hickeys before. He’d never let the girls he kissed leave marks like that.

“Anyone we know?” Sam asked. He was watching his brother and Cas turned to look at Sam.

“Oh, no.” Cas replied quickly.

Dean was no longer staring at him, his eyes were on the TV now. It almost felt like he was deliberately avoiding looking at him at all.

“Did you get lucky Cas?” Sam asked, a wicked smirk on his face.

Cas could feel how red his face was. His cheeks were burning from it.

“No, it didn’t go that far.” 

Sam nodded, his eyes locked on his brother’s face.

“Well Cas, I hope it works out for you.”

“Thanks Sam, it just might.” Truth was, despite being in love with Dean, he really did like Luke. His emotions were in a turmoil and he was having a hell of a time trying to sort them out.

Dean pressed play and for almost the whole movie they sat in complete silence. That was unusual, especially for Dean who loved to run commentary whenever he watched any movie. Toward the end he made a few comments about the characters, but that was it. Sam however kept up a constant chatter, discussing the plot and the ghosts in the movie, and Cas found himself getting into the conversation. When the movie ended Dean got up, making the excuse of going and making some popcorn. The moment he left the room Sam took his seat. He leaned in and kept his voice low.

“So what’s her name?” He asked.

Cas lowered his eyes to his hand, frowning. When he didn’t respond Sam sat back a little and from the corner of his eye Cas could see the wheels turning.

“Ok, so what’s his name?”

Cas’ head shot up, his eyes wide with terror. Sam’s eyes went wide and darted toward the kitchen to make sure Dean was still out of earshot.

“Don’t worry, I’m not telling my brother anything.” Sam promised.

Cas relaxed, but only marginally. Sam was giving him one of his sympathetic smiles.

“His name is Luke.” Cas told him.

“Is he nice?” 

Cas sighed and nodded.

“Does he go to our school?” Sam was asking.

Again Cas nodded. Sam made a chuffing noise and his smile got bigger.

“I’m happy for you man. You deserve someone that makes you happy. I hope you’ll at least introduce me. And don’t worry, I’m not saying a word to Dean. I’ll let him figure it out when you’re new boyfriend is kissing you across the lunch table like Julie does to him.” Sam had a smirk on his face that made Cas chuckle.

“I just met him. I mean, it would be nice if it goes somewhere, but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.” Cas explained.

Sam nodded. “As long as he treats you well.”

Cas smiled. Sam was a good friend. Dean walked back in with the popcorn.

“Out of my seat jerk.” He barked. Sam rolled his eyes and got up.

“Bitch.” Sam said, but he was smiling as he returned to his seat across the room. He gave Cas an encouraging smile before turning his attention to the bag of candy he was still holding.

“When did we get candy? Give me some of that.” Dean grabbed at the bag and Sam let him take it.

“I brought it over.” Cas said. Dean turned to look at him for the first time in two hours and smiled.

“Thanks man, you know how much I love candy.”

Cas returned the smile and watched as Dean loaded a different movie into the DVD player. The next six hours were spent watching movies they’d seen a hundred times before, but he didn’t really mind. Dean seemed almost back to his old self and Cas couldn’t help but watch him as he made jokes about the characters or pointed out obvious plot holes. It felt like old times again. It was well after dark when he got up to leave.

“Want me to give you a ride?” Dean asked, getting to his feet.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m in the mood to walk.” Cas replied, heading for the door.

“Want me to pick you up in the morning like usual?” Dean asked.

“No, it’s ok, I have a ride already.” Cas shot a look over at Sam who was smiling down at the remaining bits of popcorn in his bowl. Luke had offered to come get Cas and he was looking forward to the ride in with him.

Dean frowned but nodded. “Oh. Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Cas opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. “Yep, see you tomorrow. Later Sam.” He added, and Sam waved. The walk home was pleasant and he found himself thinking of Luke as he went. This was the best he’d felt in more than a week.

Once he closed the door Dean stood there staring at it, thinking. Who had Cas met last night? And why did Charlie throw a party and not invite him too? He turned to head up to his room but came face to face with his brother instead.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Sam asked casually, as though this was a fact that Dean should be acutely aware of.

“What? Screw you!” Dean growled.

“I know who Cas met last night.” Sam said, a smug smile on his face.

“Oh yeah? Anyone I know?” Dean asked, trying not to sound too eager.

“No, but I’m sure you’ll see tomorrow.” And with that Sam was gone, leaving his brother staring after him. Dean looked back at the door, contemplating running over to Cas’ house, to talk about this girl Cas had met the night before. She must be something special in order for him to let her give him hickeys like that. Cas never let girls do that. He stayed though. He honestly did not have a good reason for going after his friend. As he climbed the stairs to his bedroom he found himself wondering what she looked like, and what it was that Cas liked so much about her. As he got ready for bed he realized he was practically obsessing over this girl Cas had just met, and he honestly didn’t know why. He fell into bed and had a miserable night’s sleep, though the next morning he couldn’t explain the overwhelming sense of dread that filled him.

Luke was in his driveway at ten minutes past eight and as Cas slid into the passenger seat, Luke leaned over to kiss him. Cas reached over and took his hand as they drove to school. No one at school knew he was gay, or if they suspected it, they never said anything. This was basically him coming out, and he felt it was probably long overdue. He worried about how Dean was going to take it, but he didn’t want to hide anymore. Sam knew, and Sam accepted him as he was. He could only hope Dean would be the same way.

They walked into school together, though they weren’t holding hands. Luke did however wait by his locker as he dug out his chemistry book. Cas was happy to know they had their first class together. Luke did reach out to take his hand as they walked to class, and Cas was practically beaming, he was so happy.

“This is ok? Me holding your hand? Charlie said you’re not out yet.” Luke asked.

“It’s fine, and I’m tired of hiding who I am. I don’t care what people think of me.” Cas assured him. 

Luke smiled and as they reached the class he leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Good, cause I really like you Cas.”

Cas smiled wide. “I like you too.”

Luke was given a seat two aisles over and one seat back, but Cas could see him clearly and they couldn’t help sneaking glances over at one another through the whole class. When it was over they walked out together, and again Luke took his hand. As they made their way down the hall there were a few whispers but nothing major. Mostly he overheard girls gushing about how cute he and Luke were together, and he had to admit, they were pretty freaking cute. Cas was leaving Luke outside his calculus class when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Sam standing there. It looked like he’d just been running.

“Hey Cas. Is this Luke?” 

Luke looked over at Cas and smiled.

“You told people about us?”

Cas found himself blushing. “Just Sam here.” 

Luke offered Sam a hand and he shook it. “Nice to meet you Sam, and yes, I’m Luke.”

Sam smiled warmly. “Nice to meet you. Cas here is one of my best friends. Technically he’s my older brother’s best friend, but he’s mine too.” 

Cas looked up at the kid and smiled. “Thanks Sam, I think of you the same way.” And he meant that.

“Well, I have to get to class. I’ll catch you guys later?” Sam was already backing down the hall, waving as he turned to try and run to class. Cas wa ved back before turning his attention back to Luke. They shared another brief kiss and then Cas was hurrying down the hall to get to his English Lit class. He was on cloud nine at that moment.

Cas was thrilled to learn that Luke also had lunch with him. They found a table near the back and sat down together, side by side, whispering and touching each other as they ate their food. The heavy thud of books being dropped on the table startled them both and Cas looked up to find Dean standing there. He was looking from Cas to Luke and back again.

“Uh…hi.” Dean said, unsure.

“Hello Dean.” Cas greeted, and then turned to Luke.

“Remember you met Sam this morning? This is Sam’s older brother, Dean.” Cas explained. Luke looked up at Dean and smiled. He offered his hand and Dean shook it, though his eyes were on Cas the whole time. He was clearly trying to process things, and it wasn’t going well.

“Luke just transferred in.” Cas told him. Dean sat down across from them, eyes narrowed as he dug into his own lunch bag.

“Oh? And how do you know Cas here?” Dean asked.

Cas sat back and let Luke do the talking.

“Oh, I know Charlie. Her parents and mine are old friends. I met Cas here at a party she threw last Saturday.” There was affection both in Luke’s voice and in his eyes, and Cas couldn’t help but smile. Dean however choked on the bite he’d just taken of his sandwich. 

“The party?” Dean managed to ask once his coughing fit had subsided.

Cas looked at him, expression completely neutral as he answered.

“Yes Dean. I spent most of my time with Luke. We really hit it off.”

He watched and waited for the last of the wheels to slip into place inside Dean’s head. Those green eyes flickered to the marks on Cas’ neck and then back up to meet his eyes. 

“Oh, well, I’m…happy for you.” Dean said, and forced a smile.

“Really?” Cas asked, frowning. Dean sure didn’t look happy for him.

“Of course I’m happy for you man, you’re my best friend. If you’re happy, I’m happy.” Dean said as he picked at his sandwich.

Cas smiled and looked over at Luke who leaned in to kiss his cheek softly.

“Your friends are pretty cool.” Luke told him.

“I like to think so.” Cas said with a laugh. 

And then Julie was suddenly there, crowding onto the bench next to Dean.

“This is Julie, Dean’s girlfriend. Julie, this is Luke.” Cas introduced. This was so far the most civil he’d been to her so far. Dean didn’t even look up at her when she sat down.

“Oh hi! I saw you guys kissing outside of class this morning. Oh my gosh you are so cute together!” She gushed.

Cas smiled wide and leaned his head on Luke’s shoulder. Luke found his hand under the table and wove their fingers together. For the first time in a week when Julie leaned into Dean’s personal space and kissed his cheek Cas didn’t feel his stomach clench. Yes, Luke was exactly what he needed. He noticed that Dean didn’t eat much, tossing half of his sandwich and a full bag of chips back in his bag before getting to his feet.

“Am I giving you a ride home?” He asked before he left.

“Oh no, I’ll take him home.” Luke assured him. Cas was pretty sure Dean was glaring at him, and Luke’s smile faltered for a moment.

“Oh. Ok. I’ll call you later Cas.” Dean hurried off then, and Julie was running to keep up with him. What the hell was his problem? Cas had no idea. 

Gym and history were fun as Luke was in both classes. And so was Dean. Their history teacher was pretty lax about letting the kids sit wherever they wanted, so Luke snatched up the seat right next to Cas. Which was where Dean usually sat. When Dean walked in and saw Luke in his seat Cas was pretty sure his head might explode. The look of fury on Dean’s face was brief though before his eyes darkened and he sat down on the other side of Luke. In gym class, when they partnered up for warm ups, Luke grabbed Cas’ hand before Dean could make his way over. For years Cas had always partnered up with Dean, except now Dean only had Charlie who gave him a sympathetic pat on the back before dragging him away. Cas hardly noticed, he was too busy staring at Luke. He missed the dirty looks Dean was shooting at Luke.

After school Luke drove Cas home and dropped him off, but not before they shared a long kiss that left more hickeys, this time on both of their necks. When Cas went inside he was practically floating as he went up to his room. He had barely laid down on his bed when his phone started ringing. It was Dean.

“Hello Dean.” He sighed as he wiggled his way further up so that his head was on his pillows.

“Hey. Uh, do you have a minute to talk?” Dean asked, and for some reason he sounded nervous.

“Sure. What did you want to talk about?”

Dean was quiet for a minute and Cas knew that meant he was trying to find the right words for what he was trying to say. He waited patiently. He had always waited patiently for Dean.

“Why didn’t you tell me man?” There was hurt in Dean’s voice and it pained Cas to know that he had caused it.

“I didn’t tell anyone. Except Charlie, for obvious reasons.” Cas replied. Dean knew Charlie was into chicks.

“But you didn’t tell me. We’re best friends man.” And yes, Dean’s voice was straining now, he was really hurt.

“I’m sorry, I was scared. Charlie figured it out on her own, and only Gabe knows. I didn’t actually tell anyone.” Cas apologized, though really, he had no reason to apologize. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“But you told my brother?” Dean’s voice caught then and Cas realized he was crying. He sat up quickly.

“No, no I didn’t! Sam figured it out on his own last night. I swear I wouldn’t have told him before I told you.”

Dean made a strange noise and then he sniffed, trying to stop himself from crying.

“But you… like this guy?” Dean asked cautiously.

“Yes Dean. I like him a lot.”

“I’m…I’m glad for you buddy. You deserve to be happy.” 

“Thank you. So do you Dean. I’m happy for you and Julie.” He wasn’t really, but he wasn’t about to admit that.

“Julie, oh, yeah.” It sounded to Cas like for a moment Dean had forgotten his girlfriend even existed.

“Did you want to come over Dean? For dinner?” Cas asked, hoping that his friendship with Dean had not just been ruined.

“Dinner? Oh, I can’t, I have work tonight. Maybe another night.” Dean replied, though he only seemed to be half paying attention to the conversation now.

“Maybe tomorrow then?” Cas asked.

“Oh, yeah, sure, they would be nice.”

“Ok. Dinner here is at five thirty though, but you know that.” Cas reminded him.

“I know, I’ll be there by five fifteen.” Dean promised.

“Ok, see you then.”

The next day at school was pleasant for Cas, even the few times he crossed paths with Dean, and he reminded him about dinner that night before school ended. Dean nodded. He hadn’t forgotten, he’d be there, and at five fifteen, as promised Dean came walking through the front door. Cas was in his room finishing up the last of his calculus homework when he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in.” He called out. He looked up to see Dean poking his head in. He looked around before stepping into the room. It was definitely odd behavior for Dean but Cas decided to brush it off. He closed his text book and swiveled the chair around to look at his friend who had just sat down on the end of the bed.

“Glad you could make it for dinner. Dad’s grilling right now. We’re having steak and baked potatoes.” Cas told him.

“Sounds good.” Dean said. He was staring down at his hands.

“What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” Cas asked, getting up and moving over to the bed to sit down next to him.

“No, I’m not mad. I promise I’m not.” Dean said, and looked up at him.

“Ok, I just don’t want things to be uncomfortable between us. As far as I’m concerned, everything is still the same as it’s always been.” Cas said.

Dean nodded. “Yeah, same as…always.” 

Cas frowned. Something was clearly wrong with his friend but he couldn’t quite puzzle it out. 

“Do you think Luke’s going to monopolize all of my time now? Because he’s not. He has homework and a job too, so we don’t get to see each other very much. You and I can still hang out and watch movies and stuff.” Cas thought he was reassuring his friend but Dean just looked more and more uncomfortable. Still Dean nodded and smiled.

“That’ll be good.”

Cas patted Dean’s leg as he stood up. “Come on, you know how my dad is about being punctual for dinner. Dean let out a chuckle as he got to his feet.

“Yeah, I got grounded once for not being on time, and I’m not even his kid!”

Cas laughed as he remembered that. They were twelve and Dean had showed up ten minutes late for dinner. His father had sat Dean in time out for a half hour before he allowed him to join the rest of the family at the dinner table. Because that’s what Dean was and always had been; family. They made their way down to the kitchen where Cas’ mom was setting the table and his brother Gabe, the only other one of his siblings that still lived at home was adding ice to a pitcher of sun tea. They sat down in their usual seats as Cas’ brother and parents sat down too, and dinner progressed as usual. Cas’ mom grilled them about school and Cas’ dad inquired about Dean’s part time job down at his uncle’s garage. After dinner Cas’ mom served a chocolate cream pie and Dean was delighted when he was offered a second slice. When the cleanup was complete Dean followed Cas back up to his room like he’d done a million times before. Without asking he turned on Cas’ Xbox and popped a game in. Cas took the second controller and soon they were lost in a battle against futuristic zombies. When Cas’ phone started ringing he paused the game to answer it.

“Hello?” 

“Hey, it’s me. Are you busy?” Luke asked.

Cas darted a glance over at Dean who had turned around in his seat to look at him.

“Uh, maybe just a little. Dean and I were playing video games.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just wondering if I could swing by? Maybe take you out for ice cream or something? Like a real date?” Luke was asking. Cas could feel his cheeks turning red, and he couldn’t help but smile. He checked the time. It was only seven thirty.

“I think I can manage that. Pick me up in a half hour?”

“You got it babe. See you then.”

Cas hung up and when he sat down next to Dean again he still had that goofy grin on his face.

“That was Luke?” Dean asked, though the question was redundant.

“Yeah, he wants to take me on a real date. He’s picking me up to take me out for ice cream.” Cas un-paused the game and went back to fighting the zombies but it took Dean a moment to get back into the game.

“So you guys haven’t been on an official date yet?” Dean asked.

“Not formally, no.” Cas replied.

“But you let him suck all over your neck?” Dean actually sounded a bit pissed about that. Cas paused the game and turned to look at him.

“And your point is? You’ve done way more than that with girls the first night you met them.” 

Dean flinched at that, dropping his eyes to the controller still in his hand.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.”

Cas reached out, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing gently.

“It’s nice that you care. But I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. And it hasn’t gone past kissing. I’m not quite as bold as you are.”

Dean’s brow furrowed but he didn’t look up.

“Am I really that bad? With girls I mean?”

“What? No, I don’t think so.” Cas replied.

Dean looked up at him and there was that sadness and pain again.

“Dean, what’s really the matter? Something is going on with you and you’re starting to worry me.” Cas said, and tightened his grip on his friend’s arm. Dean lowered his gaze to Cas’ hand.

“I feel stupid for not realizing you liked guys. Like, do you even like girls at all?” Dean asked.

“You want my honest answer? Look at me then.” Cas’ voice was commanding and Dean looked up at him again.

“No, I don’t like girls, not like that. I only like guys.” He pulled his hand back and crossed his arms. For a moment he thought Dean was going to reach out and touch him, but then his hand dropped back into his lap.

“I’m cool with it, I promise, it just feels kind of weird since I set you up with a lot of chicks over the years.” Dean said with a small laugh. Cas couldn’t help but smile.

“Yes you did, and I sure got experience with kissing, but they were never who I really wanted.” Whoops! That was more than Cas had wanted to say and he quickly clamped his mouth shut. Dean was looking at him, brow still furrowed as though trying to figure out exactly what he’d meant by that.

“So you had a crush on someone all this time and you didn’t tell me? Man, am I out of the loop on everything?”

Cas looked away, choosing to stare at the leg of his desk rather than face the intensity of Dean’s green eyes.

“Uh, I guess you could say that. But it wasn’t reciprocated, so I’m moving on. I’m trying to be happy like everyone wants me to be.” 

This time Dean did reach out and his hand fell on Cas’ shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Anyone that wouldn’t like you back is a fool, you’re an awesome guy Cas.” 

Cas wanted to laugh bitterly at that. Oh the irony! Instead he pressed his lips together tightly and nodded, still not daring to look at Dean. He said a silent pray that Dean wouldn’t ask who that someone was that he’d had the crush on. That he still had the crush on, despite being with Luke now.

“So this guy you liked, was it someone from school?” Dean asked. 

Yep, Cas was positive God was not on his side at that moment. With a winch he hoped Dean didn’t notice he nodded.

“Do I know him?”

Cas got to his feet and started pulling his shoes on, anything not to have to look at Dean. This entire conversation was making him extremely nervous.

“It doesn’t matter. Like I said, it wasn’t mutual, so there’s no point in dragging up the past.” 

Dean turned again to face him more fully, a smirk on his face.

“That tells me it is someone I know. Is it Ash? Garth?” Dean was fishing and Cas wished desperately that he would stop.

“No! I said drop it! I have to leave, excuse me.” He shot up from where he’d been sitting on the edge of his bed and stepped over Dean on his way out the door. Dean was right on his heels.

“I’m sorry Cas, I didn’t mean to pry like that. Come on man!” 

Cas turned on his heels and something in his expression caused Dean to stop dead in his tracks. 

“You know Dean, we’ve been friends forever but sometimes you can be really dense.” 

And with that Cas was gone, down the stairs and out the door. Luke was just pulling up as Dean stepped out onto the porch, and he watched as Cas got into the car, leaning over to give Luke a quick kiss before Luke waved at him, and they pulled out of the driveway. Dean was bewildered. That was the second time this week he’d been called stupid, and he had no idea why. As he watched the car drive off he felt a pang of jealousy, and it further confused him. Cas was happy, he had a boyfriend he really liked, so why was he feeling jealous? He decided to go home and ask his brother. Sam may have been four years younger, but if there was anyone that knew Cas as well as he did, it was Sam. He hoped his brother could shed some light on Cas’ insult for him.

Dean made the short drive back to his house and went up to his brother’s room instead of his own. He knocked and waited for Sam to open the door. A moment later his brother did.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked.

“Sure, come on in.” Sam stepped aside so he could.

Once Dean was inside he closed the door again.

“What’s up?” Sam asked, returning to his seat at his desk where he’d been working on homework.

“I don’t know where to begin exactly.” Dean admitted.

“Is this about Cas?” Sam asked. Always the observant one, his brother was. Dean nodded.

“Ok then. Did he say something to you tonight?”

Again Dean nodded. “We were talking about how he’s gay. Not just bi, but gay, and he made a comment that I don’t think he meant to make, about having a crush on someone before he met Luke, and when I tried to ask him about it he got really mad and told me I was dense. Then he hopped in Luke’s car and they left. Luke’s taking him on their first real date tonight.” He was trying not to sound pouty as he said that, but judging from the look on his brother’s face he had failed miserably.

“Well, you are dense Dean. How did you not notice? I noticed years ago, but I kept my mouth shut cause it’s Cas’ business, not mine.” Sam told him.

Dean sat down on the bed and stared at his brother. “I must be dense then, cause I’m not getting it. He said it was someone at school, but that’s all he said. I seriously thought he was going to punch me, he was that mad.”

Sam rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Take a minute and process. Why would Cas be upset about you knowing who he liked?”

He waited, watching as his brother put the puzzle pieces together. “It would be someone close to him, right?” Dean asked.

“Well duh.” Sam replied dryly.

Dean glared at him for a moment before his eyes went wide and the realization hit him. “Oh shit…”

“Yeah, oh shit.” Sam said.

“Oh my God…” Dean croaked.

Sam just huffed out a laugh. “How did you not notice? He’s been staring at you for years like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes. I should have recommended a good eye doctor.”

Dean fell backward on the bed groaning and covering his face. “I’m a fucking moron!” 

“If you’re waiting for me to disagree with you you’re going to be waiting until hell freezes over.” Sam said.

“Fuck you Sammy.” Dean growled, but that only made his brother laugh.

“So…” Sammy said. “How do you feel about it now that you know?”

That was the golden question, wasn’t it? He sat up to look at his brother again.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Sam asked. Geesh the kid could be persistent.

“No…not exactly.” He replied, choosing his words carefully. Truth be told, it actually excited him a little, and that was adding to the confusion he already felt.

“How do you feel about him dating Luke?” Sam asked.

Dean frowned. If he had to be honest it pissed him the hell off seeing Cas with Luke, even as nice as the guy was. Sam snickered and shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You should say something before he’s so involved with Luke that he forgets he’s in love with you.” 

“What? He’s not in love with me!” Dean cried.

“You are denser than we first thought then if you think that.” Sam said, frowning. “He’s been in love with you for years.”

Dean’s jaw slowly fell as he considered his brother’s words, but more importantly he was thinking about every time he had picked up some girl and how every time Cas had seemed so crestfallen. He had assumed it was because Cas was afraid that Dean would no longer have time to hang out with him. He hadn’t considered that his friend might actually be jealous for reasons other than that he was losing out on time with his best friend. God he felt like such an ass! And Cas had hardly been able to be in the same room with Julie. Now it all made sense, and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. 

Sam sat patiently, watching all of the pieces falling into place and he felt sorry for his older brother. Dean was an act first, think later kind of person, and he’d been so wrapped up in his own life that he hadn’t stopped to think much about Cas’ feelings. Except now it was clear that that was all Dean was aware of.

“What am I supposed to do?” Dean asked suddenly.

“Well, that depends. Are you ok with him dating Luke?” Sam asked.

Dean rubbed his face and let out an aggravated moan.

“Dude, it’s not rocket science. Do you love Cas?” Sam pressed.

“Of course I do, he’s my best friend!”

“No idiot, are you in love with him?” Sam asked, thoroughly exasperated at this point.

“I-” Dean closed his mouth and frowned. How the hell did Sam manage to make him talk about his feelings like this? 

“I suggest you call him. You guys have a lot of talking to do.” Sam said.

Dean sighed and stood up. “He’s on a date.” And this time he sounded really pouty.

“So go over to his house. Wait for him. You two really need to hash things out before he falls head over heels in love with Luke. The guy is really nice, and he is treating Cas very well. Better than you have in recent years. I don’t know how he has continued to be in love with you when you trampled over his heart so many times.” Sam said as he got to his feet.

“That’s not fair, I didn’t know!” Dean cried.

“But you know now, and this is your chance. You’ll have to deal with the aftermath of course, with Julie and Luke being hurt, but God man, Cas is so in love with you. He might just go on loving you for the rest of his life, regardless of who he might be with, and if you don’t feel the same, you need to tell him that so he can move on with his life. But if you do feel the same then you need to tell him before he falls in love with someone else and you’re left hurt.”

Dean gave a small laugh and looked over at his brother. “When did you suddenly become so wise? You’re like barely out of diapers.”

Sam gave him a playful punch in the arm. “I’m not so much wise as I am observant of the people around me. Cas used to always be over here, but when you started dating Julie he stopped coming around. How did you not see the pain on his face that night you invited him over for dinner? And it was clear that you didn’t even warn him that Julie was also invited. That was messed up. And at school I would see him crying in the bathrooms or at his locker after you started to get serious with her and I knew it was absolutely crushing him. Charlie did him a favor throwing that party. Yeah, I have gay friends too and I heard all about the party, and how Cas and Luke sat in a corner kissing for hours, and how Cas’ face absolutely lit up when Luke would lean in to say something to him. Luke makes him feel appreciated and wanted in a way that you never have. You’re down to the wire brother. Make your move or forfeit.” 

Dean nodded. His brother was right, much as he was loathe to actually admit it. He needed to talk to Cas, in person.

“I’m going over to his house. I’ll be back later. Or maybe in the morning.”

Sam laughed. “Gee, have some high hopes there, don’t ya?”

“It’s not a five minute conversation Sam. And I still don’t know how I am feeling about all of this, so I need time to process.”

Sam put his hand on his brother’s back and pushed him towards the door.

“So stop telling me and start talking to him. But text me later, I care about Cas and I don’t want him getting hurt.”

Dean opened the bedroom door and turned to look at his brother. “I don’t want him hurt either. No matter what, he’s my best friend and he always will be.”

“Good, so go work things out with him and text me later.” 

Dean nodded. “Thanks. For you know, helping me figure things out tonight.”

Sam smiled. “No problem. Believe it or not, I do care about you Dean. But I care about Cas too, and I can’t stand around watching you hurt him anymore.”

It was nine thirty when Dean arrived at Cas’ house. It was later than he usually came over so this time he knocked. It was no surprise when Gabe answered the door.

“Hey, is Cas here?” He asked.

“No, he’s still out with his friend but dad texted him about ten minutes ago to tell him to get home. So he’ll be here any minute. Are you spending the night?” Gabe asked.

“Uh, maybe. I really need to talk to him though. It’s important.”

Gabe eyed him for a moment. “Yeah, sure. Go up and wait in his room.”

Dean stepped into the house and turned to look at Gabe.

“Could you maybe not tell him I’m here?”

Gabe raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Whatever.”

Dean headed up to the second floor, letting himself into Cas’ room. Everything in here was so Cas. From the books on the desk to the posters on the wall, it was everything Dean had ever known about his friend. The room even smelled like him. He sat down on the bed, not bothering to turn on the light. Now he just had to wait. It wasn’t long before he heard the front door opening downstairs and voices drifted up from the staircase. Cas sounded pissed. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to talk. The bedroom door opened and the lights came on. Dean blinked just as Cas screamed.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare the crap out of you!” Dean said, getting to his feet.

“Did you stay here the whole time?” Cas asked, glancing over at the TV. They’d left the game on pause earlier but it had shut off on its own.

“No, I went home, but I came back cause I needed to talk to you.” Dean told him, and the fear that suddenly came over Cas’ face sent a fresh wave of guilt through him.

“We don’t need to talk about anything Dean, really. We’re good.” Cas said quickly. He closed his bedroom door and went to his closet, taking off his shoes and setting them inside.

“I think we do though. So I’ve had some things bugging me, and I needed to talk to someone. So I went to talk to my brother. Apparently he’s in agreement with you that I’m dense.” Dean tried to make light of it, but Cas just grimaced. His hand was still frozen on the closet door knob and he was refusing to look at Dean. Dean took a few steps closer.

“Please, come sit down so we can talk, ok?” Dean was pleading and it was so hard to say no when he was like that. Cas closed the closet and went to sit at his desk.

“No, over here please, so I can look you in the eye without you being across the damn room.” Dean sat down on the bed and patted the seat next to him. Cas looked from the bed to Dean and he could see the terror in Cas’ blue eyes.

“I’m not a total dick Cas. I may be dense, but I don’t think I’m an asshole. Do you think I’m one?” Dean asked.

Cas stood up and slowly crossed the room to sit down on the bed, though he sat far enough over that Dean would have to lean clear across the bed just to touch him, so he got up and moved himself closer. He could almost feel how badly Cas was trembling.

“Dude, I’m not telling you anything bad, so relax, ok?” 

Cas had his arms folded so tightly over his chest that his knuckles were white where they locked onto his forearms. He was still refusing to look at Dean.

“So what do you want then?” Cas asked.

“Sam said you’re in love with me. Please tell me, is that true?”

Cas shut his eyes tight and Dean was pretty sure he was willing his floor to open up just then and swallow him whole. His lips were pressed together so tightly that they had all but disappeared. Dean didn’t like to see him like this.

“Cas, please don’t be afraid to talk to me. We used to share everything. What happened?” He touched Cas’ arm and grimaced when he felt the other boy flinch. He quickly pulled his hand back.

“I’m sorry, I won’t touch you again.” Dean muttered, dropping the offending hand into his own lap.

“That’s just it, you don’t get it, do you Dean? You never did! I knew I was gay before we even hit middle school, and that was around the same time I realized my feelings for you. I know it’s fucked up, I shouldn’t feel that way, but I can’t fucking help it! I’m trying though, I really am. I don’t want things to be weird between us. You’re my best friend in the world and if I didn’t have you in my life…” Cas shuddered just thinking about a life without Dean in it. “I don’t think I could go on living.” The last part came so softly it was barely above a whisper, but Dean heard it clearly. Cas wasn’t done yet though.

“And every time you touch me, it drives me absolutely nuts because I want more of it and I can’t have more of it, so I’d rather not have you touch me at all, do you understand that? I get that you’re straight. I accepted that ages ago, but feelings just can’t be shut off like that, ok? I’m trying though!”

And then Cas was sobbing, his entire body shaking with the sheer force of it. Dean understood what Cas had just said, but he couldn’t just sit there while his friend cried like that. He reached out and pulled Cas into his arms, hugging him tight. Cas’ arms slid around his waist and hugged him back just as tightly.

“Cas, I wish you had told me years ago how you felt. Why do you always just make assumptions about people? How would you know how I feel if you never stopped to ask?”

Cas stiffened and pushed Dean back, his expression cold and angry now. “No, you don’t get to play the sympathy card with me. I’m not going to get my heart broken like this Dean! I’m not some girl you can jerk around!” He stood up quickly, wrapping his arms around himself tightly again. He averted his eyes as he spoke again.

“You need to leave now. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

Dean remained seated on the bed. “No.”

Cas looked over at him, eyes red rimmed still, a look of near hysteria on his face.

“Excuse me?” 

“I said no. I’m not done speaking my peace.” Dean said calmly.

“Fuck you Dean.” 

“Sit down Cas, you’re acting like an ass.” 

Cas opened his mouth to say something but Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him back down on the bed.

“I’m not done talking.” Dean said firmly.

“Then talk, cause I want you to leave.” Cas snapped.

Dean took a deep breath and tried to sort through his feelings right at the moment. He wanted to choose his words very carefully, lest he anger Cas again. The last thing he wanted to do was cause irreparable damage to their friendship.

“Look Cas, I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never wanted to hurt you. After I talked to my brother tonight I thought back over the last few years and I realize that I have hurt you before, and I’m really sorry for that. I didn’t know. I know I’m stupid and selfish, but I don’t want to be stupid and selfish with you. This is all new for me, ok? I’m trying to figure out my own feelings in all of this. This whole situation…it just has me feeling like such a complete ass. Not because I’m upset about how you feel, because I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not in any way upset about that. I’m feeling like an ass for hurting you, with Julie, and with every girl before her. I did some thinking on my walk over here tonight, and before that when I was talking to my brother. You know, he asked me if I was in love with you. I’ve never been in love, so I really had to consider the question.” 

He looked at Cas and saw those blue eyes watching him. Even with his hair disheveled and his eyes still red from crying, Cas was beautiful. He had thought it before on more than one occasion, but had quickly pushed that thought away, because straight guys aren’t supposed to think their straight best friends were beautiful. Except Cas wasn’t straight. And Dean wasn’t exactly positive he was either. Why did all of this have to be so damn complicated?

“Is there a point to all of this?” Cas asked softly. 

“Yes there is. I was still considering the question when Sam asked me how I felt about you dating Luke. I really do want you to be happy Cas, and if Luke makes you happy, then I swear I’ll learn to love the guy, but honestly? I was jealous, and I couldn’t figure out why at first. Then seeing him kiss you again tonight? I was downright furious and I know I don’t have any right to be. But…I guess that’s what it’s like seeing me with Julie, or any other girl I’ve dated, and that thought makes me sick to my stomach.” Cas was still watching him but something in his expression had changed. His death grip on his arms had finally relaxed and he had dropped his hands down to his lap.

“What exactly are you saying here Dean?” Cas’ voice was strained, full of something that sounded like a mixture of fear and hope.

“First, I’m saying I’m sorry for every single time I ever hurt you. I’m so, so sorry for that. Second, I’m saying that it took seeing you in the arms of someone else, someone else that can make you smile, that puts marks like this all over you” Dean pulled down the collar of Cas’ shirt just enough to point out the now fading love bites before continuing. “To make me realize that I think the reason it never works out with girls is because they’re not you Cas. I’m pretty sure that what I’m feeling toward you is love, and if it is, you’re the first person I’ve ever loved like this. So, I’ve said my part, and I’m sorry if I completely fucked up your night since I’m sure you came home expecting to kick back and text with Luke, and I don’t want to ruin things between you guys, but I needed to tell you how I feel. Please don’t ever tell anyone that I told you this much because I do have a reputation to uphold.” He tried adding a joke at the end but Cas suddenly looked very sick.

“Cas? What’s the matter?” He asked, scooting closer and patting his back. The poor guy was practically hyperventilating. He looked up at Dean and the fear was gone. It had since been replaced with shock. Great, Dean had sent him into shock with his confession.

“Come on Cas, slow, steady breaths.” He inhaled slowly and exhaled slowly, and Cas tried to match his pace. After a minute he was calm again.

“Is this a dream? Or a nightmare? Are you going to change your mind later? I don’t think I can handle that…” Cas shuddered as his eyes filled with tears again.

“What can I do to convince you? I love you Cas, and you know me well enough to know that I do not throw that word around lightly. Just tell me what you want me to do!” Dean was begging, he knew it, but the last thing he wanted to do was to lose Cas. He reached out and pulled Cas into his arms again, this time rubbing gentle circles across his back. Cas melted against him, leaning his head on Dean’s shoulder and he dared to let himself feel a spark of hope that maybe Cas believed him. This time when Cas pulled back he only did so enough so that he could look up at Dean’s face.

“I’m so scared that this is all just a dream and tomorrow I’m going to wake up and none of this will be true. You have no idea how many times I dreamed about you, about you loving me back, only to wake up the next morning to the cold realization that you didn’t. Now you’re saying you do? I just can’t wrap my brain around it.” Cas said. It broke Dean’s heart hearing him say that. He wished so bad that he could have figured this out much sooner. Dean reached up and brushed a lock of hair off Cas’ forehead before pressing that same hand to his cheek. Cas’ eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into Dean’s hand. All this time he’d had the most beautiful person in the world right here, and he had been so damn busy looking everywhere else. His brother was right, he really was a moron.

“God Cas, I’m so freaking in love with you, and it’s scaring the crap out of me.” Dean said, his voice shaking as the words slipped out. Those blue eyes were open again, looking at him in a way he’d never seen before. There was so much love in them that it almost hurt seeing it. He didn’t deserve to be adored like this, yet all he really wanted was to do the same to Cas.

“I can’t though…you have Luke now. I really fucked up.” This time it was Dean’s voice that caught and his vision became blurry as he struggled not to cry.

“I broke up with Luke tonight.” Cas said quietly.

“What? Why?”

“He thought you didn’t like him. I guess he was right, but he told me he couldn’t date me if you were going to keep giving him dirty looks like you’ve been doing. I told him you were my best friend and I wasn’t going to stop being friends with you just to appease a possible boyfriend. So we made the mutual decision to stop seeing one another. Don’t you see Dean? Even without you loving me back I was ready to choose you first. I always choose you.”

Dean gasped at the weight of Cas’ words. “Oh jeez…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it, I know you really liked him…”

“But I love you Dean. I’ve always loved you.” Cas said firmly.

Dean swallowed hard trying to force his own tears back. He was pretty sure no one had ever cared about him like that, and it was a heavy weight to bear. His hand was still pressed gently to Cas’ cheek and Cas brought one hand up to cover Dean’s. It sent all kinds of shivers through him, and he realized what Cas had meant about what it felt like to be touched. 

“Can I kiss you?” Dean asked. Cas’ face practically lit up but it only lasted a moment before his expression darkened again.

“No, I can’t do that to Julie.”

Dean smiled. “She broke up with me last night. She met a new guy and I guess he’s better looking or something. I wasn’t even hurt. She stopped by my house and told me, and I realized that I really didn’t care.”

“You two broke up? And you didn’t tell me?” Cas asked.

“She wasn’t important. No girl ever was. I’m still so sorry I hurt you by going out with her.” Dean apologized for what felt like the millionth time.

Cas sat up and scooted closer until he was almost in Dean’s lap, and Dean felt his own breath catch in his throat. How did he not ever want Cas this close before? 

“Now can I kiss you?” Dean asked. This time Cas smiled and nodded.

It was a tentative, soft kiss at first, an introduction of their mouths as Dean slowly adjusted to the fact that he was kissing another guy, and not just any guy either, he was kissing Cas! And he was adjusting to the idea that he was way more than just ok with this. He wrapped his arms around Cas again, pulling him in even closer as he pressed him tongue against Cas’ lips, begging them to open, which they did, and then the kiss was deeper, tongues sliding over one another as Dean tried to pull Cas in even closer. He couldn’t get enough of how he tasted, like honey and cinnamon, and everything Dean loved most in this world. Cas settled for straddling him since there was no way to get any closer, and when he settled down on Dean’s lap he heard him moan deeply.

“Cas, that feels so good.” Dean gasped, and pulled Cas down hard against him, making Cas release a moan. 

“Fuck Dean, I’ve never even done this kind of stuff with anyone before.” Cas said as Dean kissed down his jaw, leaving marks of his own behind. 

“You made out with Luke though.” Dean reminded him as he moved from Cas’ collarbone back up to the soft spot behind his ear, making him cry out and thrust against him. Dean had to stop for a moment to get control of himself because he was way too close to coming right there in his jeans.

“We sat next to each other on a loveseat, kissing. That’s as far as it went!” Cas gasped, his head lolling back as Dean began kissing his throat and neck again. Somehow Dean had slipped a hand under his tee shirt and was rubbing his thumb over one nipple as his mouth continued to work its way across Cas’ collarbone.

“Are you telling me you’re a virgin Cas?” Dean asked, pulling back to look at him.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Luke was the first guy I ever even kissed. He tried to touch me earlier, but I didn’t let him. And that’s when we got into that fight. I liked him, but he wasn’t you.”

Dean smiled up at him. “You know, you’re absolutely amazing Cas. The most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

Cas blushed at the compliment. “Bullshit.”

Dean laughed at that and kissed him again on the lips. 

“What would you say if I told you that all I ever did was heavy petting and maybe get a few hand jobs?” 

Cas looked at him in shock. “What? No way!”

“Like I said before, they lacked something important.” Dean said.

“So you’ve never…?” Cas blushed harder, embarrassed by what he was even trying to ask.

“No, never. I thought that eventually the right girl would come along. I guess the joke is on me. But then again, I’m always the last one to know everything.” Dean said, grinning. Cas just shook his head, a goofy smile of his own plastered across his face. Dean leaned in, kissing the corner of his mouth ever so gently.

“I love you Cas. It feels really good to say it too. Like I can’t say it enough. I need to make up for lost time.” 

Cas smiled shyly and he was struck by how beautiful Cas truly was. He seemed to glow from within. It was not just his good looks. Cas was warm and caring, gentle and thoughtful, and he loved Dean totally and completely. That was absolutely mind blowing to Dean. 

“Hey, go lock your door. The last thing we need is Gabe walking in. We’ll never hear the end of it.” Cas nodded and got up to go lock it. When he turned back around Dean was waiting for him with arms wide open. Without a moment of hesitation Cas went to him, letting Dean pull him into his arms and lay him down on the bed beneath him.

“Dean…” Cas gasped as Dean sucked and then nipped at his earlobe. With one knee Dean was pushing his legs apart, and then his body was pressed against Cas’.

“Damn that feels good.” Dean moaned as he rubbed against Cas. That was actually one of the best things he had ever felt. 

“Dean…please…touch me.” Cas was begging. Dean felt a moment of fear. He’d never touched another dick besides his own, but this was Cas, and Cas was beautiful in every way, and he wanted to know every inch of him. He let a hand slide down between them, and he lifted his own hips just enough to massage Cas through his pants.

“Oh fuck!” Cas gasped, and his hips rose to meet Dean’s hand. This was a way bigger turn on Dean had anticipated, and the noises Cas was making beneath him were downright obscene. He hoped and prayed that the rest of the Novak household couldn’t hear them in here.

“Stop, give me a minute. Dean grunted as he sat back and started to unbutton Cas’ pants. He lowered the zipper and looked into Cas’ eyes.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Dean, it’s not me that wouldn’t be ready, it’s you. Is this really what you want?”

Dean nodded. “Absolutely. I do.”

“Then get my pants off already!” Cas hissed.

Dean gave them one good tug and they came off. Cas kicked them and his socks the rest of the way off, letting them fall to the floor.

“Shirt off.” Dean commanded, and Cas sat up enough to let him pull it off. He stared down at Cas’ lithe body lying prone beneath him and he felt his cock twitch. There was nothing freaking him out about this at all anymore. He wanted this more than anything. Slowly he ran his hands down Cas’ body, feeling every muscle, delighting in the way they twitched and spasmed under his touch. When they reached the edge of Cas’ boxers he looked up, meeting Cas’ intense gaze. He lay there on his back one arm over his head, the other gently stroking Dean’s thigh, his lower lip caught between his teeth, and Dean found a new word to describe Cas: sexy. He was downright hot laying there under him like that. He hooked a finger in Cas’ boxers and pulled them off. Now over the years he had seen Cas naked many, many times, but never before like this, and this was the best way yet. He let his eyes wander down to Cas’ dick and before he knew what he was doing he had wrapped one hand around it. 

“Wait, that’ll hurt. Go in my drawer there, get out the little bottle of lube I keep in there.” Cas pointed to his nightstand and Dean leaned over to open the drawer. He found the lube fairly quickly and a moment later he had some on his hand and was slowly stroking Cas. He wasn’t exactly sure how far Cas wanted to even go tonight but he wanted to do more for Cas than to just give him a hand job, even though he was practically thrashing around now underneath him. He slowed his strokes before removing his hand completely.

“Why did you stop?” Cas whined, reaching for his hand to put it back.

“Cas, how far were you looking to go tonight? I need to know before we go any further.” Dean said.

Cas looked up at him for a moment, his pupils blown wide with lust. He blinked, forcing himself to get his hormones under control.

“What do you want Dean? If you want to stop, I guess we can.” Cas almost had to choke the words out. The last thing he wanted to do was to stop, but if Dean wasn’t ready, or God forbid he had changed his mind…

“I think I want to go all the way with you, but I don’t have any condoms with me.” Dean said, feeling decidedly sheepish at that moment.

“I do though! Under my mattress. I steal them from my brother, blow them up and photograph him with them while he’s sleeping. Then I post them to Facebook and block him from seeing them. I’ve done it like twenty times now. None of his friends have told him either. It’s payback for the time he shaved my eyebrows while we were visiting our Aunt Nora when I was ten and for all the other cruel pranks he’s pulled over the years.” Cas was tapping the side of the mattress and Dean leaned down to fish around in the space between the mattress and box spring. It wasn’t long before his fingers closed around a small, foil package. He yanked it out.

“You know, I remember that. You were so worried that they wouldn’t grow back in time for school.” Dean said, laughing.

“And I was right. I looked so stupid for at least the first half of the school year.” Cas complained.

“Well, they’re back now and they’re perfect.” Dean said, grinning.

“I’m enjoying the payback.” Cas said, laughing. 

Before the mood could be completely ruined Dean hurried to get his own clothes off. He was aware of how intently Cas was watching him, and suddenly he felt very self-conscious. 

“You’re so perfect Dean. Absolutely beautiful and perfect.” Cas sighed.

“You’re just saying that to get in my pants.” Dean teased. That elicited another roll of laughter from Cas.

“Pretty sure I’m already in them.” 

Dean was down to just his boxers now and he gave those one good pull and soon those were on the floor with the rest of their clothing. Cas brought a hand up, running his thumb over the head of Dean’s cock, rubbing the pre-come around and Dean let out a moan, falling forward, barely catching himself before he collapsed right down on Cas.

“I’ve never done this before Cas. I have no idea what I’m doing here.” He admitted as he forced himself to sit back up. Cas just smirked up at him.

“Lucky for you I watch porn.” 

It was Dean’s turn to look shocked. “What? You watch porn?!”

“What, and you don’t?” Cas asked. Dean blushed. He had never admitted to anyone that he watched that kind of stuff.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. We were just watching different kinds, that’s all. First, who’s going to be on top?” Cas asked. The wide eyed look of terror on Dean’s face gave him his answer. 

“Ok, I guess you’re on top. That means you need to prepare me. You can’t just stick it in, you could hurt me.” Cas explained.

“I don’t ever want to hurt you!” 

Cas reached up and stroked his cheek gently. “I know that, which is why you’re going to follow my instructions, ok?” Dean nodded, eager to cause Cas the least amount of pain possible.

Cas eased him through it, stopping every few seconds when twinges of pain or jolts of pleasure coursed through him, until Dean had three fingers inside him, brushing against his prostate and causing him to thrash around even worse.

“Dean, stop, I’m ready, hurry!” He motioned toward the condom sitting just out of his reach. Dean pulled his fingers out and picked up the little gold package.

“Really? Magnum extra-large? Is Gabe trying to overcompensate or what?” Dean quipped as he tore the wrapper open. He had never actually had cause to put one on himself before, so this was another brand new experience, but he had paid close enough attention in health class a few years before when the teacher had made them experiment on phallic shaped vegetables. With a little adjustment he got it in place. He looked down at Cas who was breathing rather heavily, waiting for him to get moving. Cas lifted his legs, spreading them as wide as he could, and bending them at the knee so Dean could get in closer.

“You ready?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, that was the sexiest thing you could be saying right now.” Cas replied dryly.

“I’ll take that as a yes. We’ll save the pillow talk for next time.” Dean said, smiling.

Cas just shook his head. “Inside me. Now!”

Dean moved forward until the head of his cock was pressed against Cas’ opening, and then he pressed a little harder. Inch by inch he slid in, stopping only when his hips were flush against the back of Cas’ thighs. The warmth and pressure was more intense than anything he had ever experienced and he moaned low and long as the sensations washed over him. And then Cas was bucking underneath him, urging him to start moving. With slow, even stroked he started doing just that, but soon Cas was reaching for him, pulling him in tighter, harder, urging him to just pound into him, which Dean did with great pleasure. As he picked up his pace he had to reach up and clamp a hand down over Cas’ mouth as he was being anything but quiet.

“Shh or your parents will hear us!” Dean warned. Cas pushed his hand away.

“We’re both eighteen, what are they really going to do to us?” Cas grunted.

“I don’t know, kick me out of the house and never let me in again?” Dean wasn’t sure how he was even still talking, but he knew the last thing he wanted for Cas’ parents to catch them. As he started to feel his orgasm build he lost all ability to speak, and he had to bite down on his lower lip in order to keep from crying out, it just felt so damn good being inside Cas like this! Cas was getting loud again, but he was wise enough to cover his own mouth. Dean was close, driving hard into Cas, and he reached out to grasp Cas’ cock, stroking it hard and fast, letting his thumb glide over the tip on every third stroke, and it was only a few moments later that Cas was coming hard, the semen splattering against both of their stomachs. Dean pushed Cas’ legs back further until his knees were practically touching his shoulders, and he redoubled his efforts. And then he was coming too, his thrusts slowing as he rode out the orgasm. He dropped Cas’ legs and pulled out, careful to pull the condom off and tie it before dropping it into the garbage can next to the bed. He swung one leg over, climbing off of Cas so that he could lay next to him. Suddenly Cas was wiping at him with a cold, wet cloth.

“What is that?” Dean asked, worn out and feeling sleepy now.

“Wet wipe. Cleaning us up so we don’t have to traipse naked past Gabe’s room to the bathroom.” Cas said. That made Dean snicker at the thought. Once they were cleaned up Dean held out his arms and Cas slid close, melting against him. 

“This is nice, laying here like this, holding you.” Dean murmured. 

“I agree.” Cas sighed.

“So…I did ok? I didn’t screw that up?” Dean asked.

“You didn’t screw anything but me.” Cas nipped playfully at his collarbone, making him shiver.

“I wanted to make sure I wasn’t hurting you.” Dean said.

“No, you didn’t hurt me. It was perfect.” Cas lifted his head to look at him.

“Are you going to stay the night?”

Dean smiled and nodded. “I’d stay every night from here on out if I could, but tonight is a good start.”

Cas nestled back down against him. “You’re ok then with what we just did? You’re not going to like, hate me tomorrow or anything, are you?”

Dean could hear the worry in Cas’ voice and he pulled him closer. “That will never happen, do you understand? I love you Cas, and I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

“What if I want you forever?” Cas asked, tilting his head back so that blue eyes once again met green.

“Then you’ll have me forever.” Dean said, and he meant it. This was the most perfect moment in his life, and he wanted to have a million more with Cas.

The next morning they were woken by the sound of Gabe pounding on the door.

“Wake up lovebirds or you’ll be late for school!”

Dean groaned and opened his eyes. He knew where he was, he’d spent a million nights in this very room over the years, except this time when he looked down he found a very naked Cas snuggling against him. He smiled and pulled Cas even closer. Everything had changed between them, but at the same time nothing really had. No matter what, Cas was his best friend. He was just now dating his best friend. And sleeping with him. He remembered what they had done the night before and he smiled wider. He placed a gentle kiss to Cas’ forehead earning him a reluctant moan.

“It’s too damn early.” Cas complained.

“True, but we still have several weeks left of our senior year to complete, so unless you want to hand over the right to valedictorian I suggest you get your pretty little ass up.” Dean reached down and smacked Cas’ bare ass at that.

Cas yelped, blue eyes flying open to glare at him. “Fine, I’m up.”

He sat up and stretched. When he looked back over his shoulder he saw Dean propped up on one elbow watching him.

“I wish I’d thought to bring a change of clothes. I didn’t even bring my car.” Dean sighed.

“You can borrow one of my shirts.” Cas said as he got up. Dean watched him go to the dresser and move things around until he found a shirt he knew Dean would wear happily. He tossed it at him and Dean smiled when he saw that it was a Metallica shirt. They got dressed and hurried downstairs. Cas’ mom eyed them both and for a moment Dean felt his heart leap into his throat, and then she was smiling at them.

“I didn’t realized you had spent the night last night Dean. Are you boys hungry?” She asked.

“Pop tarts would be great mom, we still have to go pick up Dean’s car.” Cas said.

She pulled two packets of pop tarts from the cabinet. One blueberry for Cas, one strawberry for Dean. She only kept strawberry ones because of Dean, that was how ensconced he was in their family. With their breakfast foods in hand they bid his mom goodbye and started the trek to Dean’s house. As they walked Dean texted his brother. He wanted to let him know that everything had gone well the night before, and to let him know that he was on his way to come pick him up. Sam sent back a long string of thumbs up that made Dean laugh to see them.

Sam was waiting on the front steps for them and he stood up when they came up the driveway. 

“I totally covered for you last night. Dad wanted to know where you were this morning, so I told him you headed over to Cas’ early. You know he wants us to ask first.” Sam said.

“Thanks man, I owe you one.” 

Rather than climb into the front seat Sam got in the back, a huge grin on his face when he saw his brother reach over to take Cas’ hand once he had backed the car out of the driveway and they were on their way. When they pulled into the school parking lot Sam shot out of the car as he usually did, tearing across the parking lot to the front door. Alone now Cas turned to look at Dean, and the frown on his face was worrisome.

“What’s the matter?” Dean asked, and reached out to stroke Cas’ cheek. As he’d done last night he Cas closed his eyes and leaned into his touch.

“You’re really going to walk in there with me? As a couple?” Cas asked. 

“I told you this last night, yes. You’re not going to chase me away that easily, so stop trying.” Dean leaned over, kissing him gently and Cas melted into it.

“Now come on, we have to get an education, the law says so.” 

Dean got out and came around to the passenger side to wait for Cas to get out. When Cas turned around he found Dean standing there, one hand held out, waiting, and Cas took his hand, tangling their fingers together as they walked across the parking lot and into the actual school. This time there were more stares, and more whispers, and Cas looked nervously over at Dean who just smirked and pulled him closer. What other people were saying really didn’t matter to him, and Cas realized that it didn’t matter to him either. So he walked with his head held high, holding the hand of the only man he had ever loved, and was pretty sure he would ever love. For the first time in his life, everything was perfect and Cas was the happiest person in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it leave a kudos. Leave a comment too. I have more fics in the works. Like I could ever stop writing...


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